Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
did i just pee glitter
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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