Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When are your genitals available?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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