I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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