shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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