We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
