is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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