cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
