Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
