Where is the hickey?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
