we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
