A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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