Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
