I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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