I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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