So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
