Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
