If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
