hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
