dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
