How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
