Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize