Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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