1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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