Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
