I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize