listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
