I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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