I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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