you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
