Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize