thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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