I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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