When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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