You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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