I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
