Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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