Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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