Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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