i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
