The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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