im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
