did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You pole danced in your parka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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