He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
