Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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