You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
