I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
