Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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