"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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