I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
