I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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