thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
