Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
