Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
