some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
