I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
