theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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