I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
