I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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